PopHorror Let's Get Scared
Nuns are pretty scary, and not only because of James Wan’s The Nun (read our review here). First of all, when there’s a bunch of them together (is a group of nuns called a cloister?), they look like clones. They’re all wearing the same outfit that covers them from head to toe, with only a small oval of face peering out to distinguish one from the other. They’re pretty much carbon copies. If one committed a crime from inside the cloister, good luck identifying them. Looking so similar makes them seem emotionless, almost robotic, but is great for alibis.
Then there’s the history behind nuns. Who hasn’t heard a story (or lived through one themselves) of Catholic school student hijinks that resulted in a crack on the knuckles with a wooden ruler or even being paddled with a spoon, all for crimes as small as misspelling “Australia” or forgetting their multiplication tables? And, because their parents sent them there, these small time crooks had no argument, since this was expected behavior for teaching nuns. Those kids just had to bite their tongues and take it.
This kind of thinking is what makes Darren Lynn Bousman’s (Saw franchise, Tales of Halloween 2015 – read our review here) film, St. Agatha, so terrifying.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8smlGKzM3tw
Here’s the synopsis:
Set in the 1950s in small-town Georgia, a pregnant young woman named Agatha seeks refuge in a convent. What first starts out as the perfect place to have a child turns into a dark layer where silence is forced, ghastly secrets are masked, and every bit of will power Agatha has is tested as she learns the sick and twisted truth of the convent and the odd people that lurk inside its halls.
What Works
From Uncork’d Entertainment and Octane Entertainment comes St. Agatha. From the moment the film begins, the eerie, sinister tension begins to build. You can only sit back and watch as Mary (Sabrina Kern: Pretty Hurts 2017) is led down this rabbit hole of danger. In the 1950s, it was common to see unmarried mothers-to-be brought to convents to have their babies, away from the prying eyes of relatives, neighbors and friends. This was pre-Women’s Lib, so the women didn’t have much say as to what happened to them, and being an unwed mother was pretty much the worst thing that could happen to her. The script, co-written by The Full English’s Andy Demetrio and Shaun Fletcher, as well as Sara Sometti Michaels (The Photographer 2015) and Clint Sears (Tales of Halloween 2015), was simple yet effective… softly said lines like, “We take care of girls like you,” and “We don’t waste food here,” were scarier than the loudest scream. I was enthralled with the flashback story of Mary, her boyfriend, Jimmy (Justin Miles: The Crazies 2010), and her little brother, William (Maxamus Murrah: Postal 2019), and even though I knew where she would end up, I still rooted for them all.
Then there was the evil, heartless, cruel tyrant, Mother Superior, who was played beautifully by Terminator 3: Rise of the Machine’s Carolyn Hennesy. I have not wanted to off a nun so badly in my entire life. She did things to these helpless girls that made me gasp, and that’s saying something. If I were to meet Carolyn Hennesy on the street, I would cross the road, even after reading our pleasant interview with her. She was that good. The acting from the other girls in the film – the nuns and staff, including Paula (Trin Miller: The Invoking 2013) and Sarah (Hannah Fierman: the “I like you” creature from V/H/S 2012), as well as Mary’s friends, Catherine (Courtney Halverson: Unfriended 2014) and Doris (Lindsay Seim: Saw franchise) – were quite milky in comparison.
The music… oh, where do I start? Mark Sayfritz’s (High Fidelity 2000) score for St. Agatha was so beautifully haunting, that I couldn’t get it out of my head. Think The Omen’s soundtrack, but with women and children singing rather than Gregorian monks. Also, Joseph White’s (Repo! The Genetic Opera 2008) cinematography was stunning, making the world inside the house look almost warped and misaligned, much like The Shining. I also have to mention that the pre-dawn shot of Mary’s torture coffin room was sublime. I wish I had a screenshot to show you all, I am so in love with it.
There wasn’t much need for more than blood squirting at opportune times, but when FX were needed (I’m especially reminded of a wound after a dunk in a tub of salty water, and a death by umbilical cord (yes, you read that right)), they were so incredibly realistic. Zombieland’s Toby Sells knows his guts and gore, and even used a darker placental blood when needed. What a great touch. Oskar de la Cruz’s costumes, Michelle Alderman’s hairstylings and even Ashley Alvarez’s makeup design were all spot on for the mid-twentieth century fashion. I love seeing that attention to detail.
What Doesn’t Work
Let me start by saying that the description is incorrect. The young woman seeking solace at the convent’s name is Mary, not Agatha. Agatha is actually the name that the nuns try to rebrand her with during her stay. Also, I was confused quite a bit during this movie. The editing was stilted and left a lot to the imagination. I don’t need things spelled out for me, but when I see someone proudly watching a final showdown to suddenly screaming, running through the leaves in full panic mode as a baby literally pops out of nowhere, I find myself scratching my head. Which reminds me, the trope that women are in labor for 30 seconds before giving birth is getting pretty tiring. This just needs to stop. There was so much going on – especially in the final ten minutes – that I felt Bousman didn’t know what he wanted so he threw a bunch of stuff at the wall to see what stuck. It was like an early season of American Horror Story, but without the snarky wit and Evan Peters.
There were scenes of torture and cruelty that happened, but I couldn’t understand why. They never had any bearing on the characters (besides Mary herself) or their stories. Were they there just to show Mother Superior’s cruelty? The deaths were either quick, shown off screen or incredibly anticlimactic. I thought the nuns’ final reaction to Mother Superior was a bit of a deus ex machina. All in all, the ending was a mess.
Final Thoughts
Most of St. Agatha makes for a successful flick. The FX were enigmatic, extensive and egregious, looking more realistic than they had any right to, and the music was so creepy it actually made me twitchy. However, I wish more had been explained at the end. The final scene was climactic yet unsatisfying. What did it all mean? Why did half of the stuff in this movie happen? Why the midnight masses? Were the dead people really dead? Or was Mary crazy/drugged? I feel like the rush to get it all out really hurt the film’s final product, which is unfortunate. The tension that builds during the film makes for a fantastic, if hurried, climax. I will say that fans of Rosemary’s Baby and Misery will enjoy this one, which was released on DVD on February 11, 2019, and Women in Horror Month is the perfect time to watch this female-centric cast take out some nuns.
