PopHorror Let's Get Scared
Reboots, remakes and re-imaginings… Horror fans often hate them, but there may just be a few franchises that would benefit from some new – or at least different – talent behind the wheel. Here’s a list of horror reboots that wouldn’t be controversial!
Remake #10 – Ghoulies
I have a love-hate relationship with Ghoulies, and that’s just the way I like it. Quite simply, it’s not a well done franchise overall. Not that I could have done better myself, but that’s my point. Honestly, I think Ghoulies should exist as more of a film school project, where aspiring filmmakers can get their hands dirtier making weird films with puppets and sorcery. It doesn’t have to make sense, or be particularly scary or funny. Honest! Just get hand puppets, low budget special effects, unknown (borderline anonymous) actors, slap together a script and see what happens. The possibilities aren’t endless, but it’s close enough!
Remake #9 – Children of the Corn
I actually like Children of the Corn, and pretty non-ironically. In fact, I’m actually surprised by how good some of the sequels are, considering how many there are. Quite simply, Children of the Corn is pretty good for what it is. That being so, a person could probably make it better to fix the things it aren’t, or haven’t been yet. As an obvious example, it seems someone should do a version where the children are just religious nuts, and He Who Walks Behind the Rows is simply their belief. Yes, I realize that the original franchise has been rebooted, but not this way.
In fact, I’m quite surprised that no one’s done these yet. Doesn’t it seem like an obvious angle, and wouldn’t the kids be even scarier? When their god (and his associated magic) is demonstrably real, it suggests that they’re not completely crazy. It also implies that there are probably magical solutions to the problem, as opposed to the daunting reaction of convincing fanatics that they’re terribly wrong. Also, He Who Walks Behind the Rows distracts from the horror of having a children’s revolution wherein impure adults are slaughtered.
Adults don’t always fear children, but it is a phenomenon. Every old codger yelling at young whipper snappers is probably a little scared of them, feeling they signify the idea that society is going to Hell. Either way, Children of the Corn could easily have us second-guessing our desire to view them as weak and non-threatening. In reality, if children were to turn against their parents en masse, it pretty much would be like Armageddon. That’s where the darkest element resides for this franchise. While films like Who Can Kill a Child? (1976) Come Out And Play (2012) and arguably did this, they didn’t seem to have the religious aspect — and certainly not all that corn.
Remake #8 – The Jaws Loophole
When faced with a hypothetical Jaws remake, many people cringe. They simply can’t imagine their favorite shark getting screwed over by Hollywood. After all, aren’t the sequels bad enough (although, honestly, Part 2 is better than one might think)? However, there’s a very obvious “Jaws loophole.” Anyone could just make a movie about a damn shark and not associate it with Jaws. Problem solved, right?
Think about it! Sharks exist in nature, they look scary, and they occasionally attack people. Boom! Why give Jaws monopoly status on the creature? If that’s not enough, it’s hardly criminal to make an homage or two to the original Jaws. It could certainly get a little eye-rolling and derivative, but one could easily make a shark movie and have it be only slightly similar to Jaws.
Writers could be lazy about it, too. They could create a few silly characters, have a serious scientist or two, maybe have some action-movie style dufus, and it’s all good! Obviously there are some nuances one might utilize. Add some romance, maybe even a sex scene. Nice! Pepper in a few shark fun factoids to taste, graciously thanking Wikipedia in the end credits. Voila! Instant shark movie with minimal controversy needed.
If that’s not enough, there’s a groan-inducing yet hilarious Jaws spoof already in existence called Blades (1989). It’s a Troma movie about a killer lawnmower on a golf course. Blades rips Jaws off every step of the way, but it’s brilliantly idiotic in the process. In other words, let’s not forget the vast potential that parodies have, okay? Sometimes we can step off the high horse, stroll through the cinematic manure, take a whiff and say, “Hey, I’m actually getting used to that stench!” Imitative crap is the sincerest form of flattery, after all.
Remake #7 – C.H.U.D.
I love C.H.U.D., alright? When I was a kid and TBS used to play it, I thought it was awesome. I own the DVD. I am not saying there’s no risk to a remake. However, let’s face it: the C.H.U.D. franchise barely exists, and even the original movie wasn’t everything it could have been. In fact, C.H.U.D.‘s own DVD commentary pokes fun at it throughout.
There are plenty of laughs, but also regrets regarding what could have been. Daniel Stern makes fun of the rubber monsters, saying the creatures should have been more subtle. They criticize scenes that weren’t scary enough, and seem to not find the film scary at all. While they don’t bash the actors much, but they do indicate some implausible or plainly confusing scenes.
In other words, there are things about C.H.U.D. that could be improved upon or subtly changed. There could be more action sequences, more transformation scenes, more this, more that. Also, there’s C.H.U.D. II: Bud the C.H.U.D. (1989) which is watchable, but by no means thrilling.
Remake #6 – Leprechaun
Yes, this suggestion has one straightforward flaw: The Leprechaun franchise would struggle without Warwick Davis as good ol’ Lep. I’ve said that myself. To be fair, though, the Leprechaun movies will struggle a bit with or without him. In fact, I don’t know if Davis would return or not, so my suggestion can’t depend on him.
Still, hypothetically speaking, the Leprechaun franchise could go in a many different directions. They’ve already done a straight up horror reboot. This is why, as a bit of a turn, I think another reimagining could be written as a half-comedy, half-serious venture. Some humor could obviously apply, but a darker tone could work. I don’t know the specifics of how I would do it, but someone out there could probably deliver. People often discredit the franchise anyway, so who cares?
Remake #5 – Blue Sunshine
Released in the US in 1978, Jeff Lieberman’s Blue Sunshine isn’t totally unknown. However, it’s obscure enough for a re-imagining that wouldn’t cause much fan backlash. “What is Blue Sunshine?,” you ask. In the movie, it’s a new form of LSD with a weird side effect: Years after being used, it makes people’s hair fall out and they become psychopathic. It’s an interesting concept and seems semi-plausible.
Oddly enough, this is why it’s timely. We live in an age where so-called Bath Salts are said to make people bite other people’s faces off. Of course, that story is probably not even true, and not everyone who uses drugs becomes psychotic. In fact, even FOX News wrote a story titled, “Medical Examiner Rules Out Bath Salts In Miami Face-Chewing Attack” — and, if anything, you’d think FOX would love anti-drug hysteria. The attacker was probably just mentally ill, but the idea of a drug making people act crazy is interesting, right?
Still, here’s a small twist: It could be an anti-drug war type of movie. Something like that was made in 2016, and it was called The Evil in Us. However, the concept is still pretty broad. Much can be done with this concept. Of course, the movie doesn’t have to be pro-drug, either. Frankly, even if the drug war sucks, you might want to avoid most pharmaceuticals. You may never feel inclined to bite someone’s face off, but it’s still probably better to say, “Nah, I don’t need to get high.”
Remake #4 – Race With the Devil
Race with the Devil is a 1975 action horror film directed by Jack Starrett and starring Peter Fonda. A group of people out camping witness a satanic murder, and the cult chases them around and whatnot. That’s basically it, folks. In any case, the movie has “Rob Zombie-style freakout” written all over it, especially if we’re not careful. But seriously, there’s little harm in re-visiting this premise, and it could go in endless directions.
Remake #3 – Messiah of Evil
Created in 1974, Messiah of Evil is practically a masterpiece. Still, it has the odd characteristic of not being well known. That’s because it’s pretty surrealistic, nightmarish and open-ended. Personally, I could imagine this done as a TV show with the Messiah of Evil (or the “dark stranger”) advancing through the nightmarish world, creating more vacant-spirited zombies under his command.
Interesting side notes: The husband and wife team who made this – Willard Huyck and Gloria Katz – also wrote the screenplay to Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. Messiah of Evil also has Elisha Cook Jr. (from House on Haunted Hill and Rosemary’s Baby) and Anitra Ford, a model from The Price is Right.
Remake #2 – Hobgoblins
See the entry for Ghoulies. Replace Ghoulies with Hobgoblins and see what you get.
Remake #1 – Werewolf (TV series)
Running from 1987–1988, Werewolf was an epic show on the Fox Network, featuring none other than film legend Chuck Connors as a werewolf named Janos Skorzeny. The plot? Some college kid is setting out to destroy Janos to break his own werewolf curse.
It’s a show that few seem to recall. Frankly, I don’t remember it much myself. Still, my brother is a huge fan (if I may speak personally), and I remember Chuck Connors being kind of scary. In any case, the basic concept is there to borrow from, and lots of original ideas could spring from it. Without even being too shifty, a writer could probably avoid lawsuits and loud public outcry. In fact, I’d be surprised if the story hasn’t been blatantly ripped off somewhere already — let alone carried on in a tasteful homage.
So there you have it! Is there any franchises missing from the list? Let us know in the comments!
