PopHorror Let's Get Scared
Remember when everyone was super excited about all the possible horror movie crossovers after Freddy vs Jason came out? I remember hearing that there was going to be a Pinhead vs Michael Myers movie, one featuring Ash taking on both Jason and Freddy (which actually became a reality in the comic book realm), and even a film that was going to have Chucky battling it out with Michael Myers. The possibilities seemed endless (I was actually hoping to see a movie that had The Blob going up against the trash bag creature from “The Raft” segment from Creepshow II but alas it never happened), and horror fans were super stoked about them.
Nobody really thought about Blade and the gang from Puppet Master facing off against Baby Oopsie and the other toys from Demonic Toys, but by golly, the Sci-Fi Channel gave it to us anyway back in 2004.
On paper Puppet Master vs. Demonic Toys sounds kind of cool in a weird way, but after all was said and done was it a good idea or not? Keep reading to find out!
Synopsis
Andre Toulon’s great nephew and his daughter team up with some of his puppets to stop an evil toymaker and her killer toys from ruining Christmas for everyone.
I’ve always been on the fence about the Puppet Master movies as some of them are just okay at best and some of them are just plain wretched. I have only seen the first Demonic Toys movie once and forgot all about it a week or so later, so I wasn’t too interested in seeing characters from the films coming together to battle it out.
While I thought it may be an okay way to kill 90 minutes because I had nothing better to do, I finally watched this movie the other night, and to say that I was underwhelmed is an understatement. Instead of it being a fun and goofy little movie in its own weird way we get a nearly unwatchable film that doesn’t have a whole lot going for it and was a chore to finish.
Directed by Ted Nicolaou (Terrorvision, Subspecies) and written by C. Courtney Joyner (Prison, Devil’s Prey), Puppet Master vs Demonic Toys is just a colossal mess all around and there isn’t a whole lot to like about it. I know that we aren’t supposed to take it too seriously, but even going into it with that mindset didn’t make it any better. It tries too hard to be funny, isn’t the least bit scary, and is just cornier than ten bags of candy corn in general.
The premise isn’t that interesting (I am guessing that Joyner watched Halloween III: Season of the Witch right before he wrote this movie because the villain’s master plan is quite similar in an odd way) and there are plot holes big enough to drive a Mack truck through at times. If you ask me, it is mighty hard to mess up a movie about killer puppets and evil toys fighting each other, but the folks behind this movie did just that.
One of the biggest problems I had with the film was the cast. Corey Feldman (Stand by Me, The Goonies) is horribly miscast here and chews up the scenery like a runaway lawnmower every time he is on screen (and what was up with that annoying raspy thing he was doing with his voice?). It’s obvious that he was just there to collect a paycheck and he puts no effort into his performance whatsoever and I actually couldn’t help but feel a little embarrassed for him.
Danielle Keaton (Village of the Damned, War Dogs) plays his daughter Alex (even though she isn’t that much younger than Feldman) and does her best with what she has to work with, but it just doesn’t work (is she supposed to be like twelve or something? Why does she talk like a little kid? I have no idea). While she is without a doubt an attractive young woman her acting here leaves a lot to be desired and I am assuming that she was just cast to be eye candy.
Poor old Vanessa Angel (Kingpin, Hot Water) is also present here and much like Keaton tries her best to bring the film’s main villain to life, but it too doesn’t quite work. She looks like she would rather be anywhere else every time she is on screen, and I really can’t blame her to be honest.
For a movie about puppets and toys battling it out we really don’t get that many fight scenes between them and when we do, they are nothing to write home about. These fights should have been awesome, but instead they just look silly and are mind-numbingly boring. Remember that epic battle that Jason and Freddy had at the end of Freddy vs Jason? You won’t get anything like that here and if you were wanting a knockdown drag out fight between Blade and Baby Oopsie (who Full Moon desperately wants to be Chucky) you are going to walk away feeling quite disappointed.
The fights here are lame, and most of the puppets and toys don’t do anything memorable (Grizzly Teddy is just there for the most part and I don’t remember him doing a single thing worth mentioning). To me it felt like going to a pro wrestling show where there was no wrestling and everyone just stood around and talked (much like WCW in 1999-2000).
I think that it is fair to say that Puppet Master vs Demonic Toys is a huge misfire and not worth your time. Even if you are a huge fan of both franchises, I still don’t think that you will enjoy this movie. Nothing about it quite works from the silly plot to the corny-looking demon that pops up at one point that looks like a Buffy the Vampire Slayer reject, and the ending is so cringe that even fans of bad movies will look away in shame. Like I said, I am not really a fan of either series, but this movie is so lousy that even the people who love them won’t be impressed or have a fun time watching it.
Let’s just hope that there isn’t a sequel somewhere down the road.
