PopHorror Let's Get Scared
Okay, say you’re in Thailand and you want to make a quick buck. You’re thinking maybe shoot a movie, glomming onto the success of Jaws or maybe a Godzilla type flick. Jaws it is then, but you want to giant radioactive lizard in it too, so maybe not a total rip-off (Enzo Castellari will have his own issues with this in a few years…), then it hits you—GIANT Crocodile!!!
This HAD to have been the brainstorming session behind the so-bad-its-good Crocodile (aka Crocodile Fangs). Directed by Sampote Sands (Magic Lizard), who by the way, was NOT a character in Game of Thrones, this nature run amuck feature is available finally in a semi complete version for the first time from Synapse Films.
Synopsis
“A giant crocodile is killing and frightening people living nearby rivers. Two men, whose wives and daughter have been killed by the crocodile, decide to chase and eliminate it.”
Opening with a ridiculously presented storm, a Jaws-like theme, and some atomic testing, Crocodile treats us to some stock footage of ominous croc side-eye, people violently thrashing in water, and some blood. Now we’re cookin’!
Dr. Stromm (Min Oo; Blissfully Yours) and Dr. Akom (Nard Poowanai; Ghost Hotel, and the 12 year old in me is giggling because he has slang terms for both testicle and feces in his name…) are on an idyllic beach vacation with their wives and child. A touch of questionable creepy parenting, followed by some unheeded warning signs later, and their spouses and kids are goners (the speeding boats way too close to the kids weren’t the culprit, that would make for a short flick). The good docs soon enlist the local macho fisherman guy, Tanaka (Kirk Warren; Courier of Death) and set out on a boat that looks suspiciously like the Orca to hunt the ever growing scaly beast responsible.
While not a complete mess, Crocodile is a hilariously flawed film. When it’s not ripping off actual shots from Jaws, it trades in a unique brand of preposterousness that gives you things like giant underwater bear traps (seriously). Intercutting real croc footage with the painfully obvious fake crocodile, with glowing green eyes (must be that pesky radiation!) generates some laughs, and while it eventually grows big enough to cause tsunamis with it’s tail, the mass attack scenes are dozens of people splashing around in the water, not looking too concerned with self preservation (and I swear I saw a young Lemmy Kilmister!), low rent and cheesy, but still entertaining, just not scary or suspenseful. The “un-ending” will leave you speechless.
All that being said the film does have some pros—convincing miniature work, and some really well composed shots, juxtaposed with more than a few cons, including: a terrible, and mercifully brief, sex scene, child nudity, and an actual live crocodile being slashed up (which earned it a “not acceptable” rating from the American Humane Association). Also, apparently the Thai equivalent of Quint is a shirtless Asian hunk in overalls.
A bare bones film warrants a bare bones release, right? Synapse did an admirable job with this turkey—chasing down the 7 or so known edits and cobbling them together to do a restored scan that looks clean and crisp. The English audio is rife with the questionable dubbing of the era, but plays clearly and even. The extras include: commentary by historian Lee Gambin, a video interview with the original director, trailer, and alternate scenes. Reversible art is ensconced in a tidy black box, which forces me to say: Black box means 4K Ultra guys, this is NOT 4K Ultra! But, a handsome package for an altogether un-handsome film.
Crocodile is a mess of a Jaws/Godzilla hybrid counterfeit. Unintentionally funny, you’ll have a blast giggling at the onscreen madness, and ham fisted film making. A fun view, and I’m sure the more industrious among you can come up with a drinking game or two to play while watching it!
Just when you thought it was safe to go to Thailand…
Synapse Films’ Blu-ray release of Crocodile is available now from fine retailers.
