PopHorror Let's Get Scared
Homework follows a group of friends who go about their school year experiencing the ups and downs of teenage adolescence as they deal with friendships, cougars, familial struggles, and of course, homework. Tommy (Michael Morgan: Midnight Offerings 1981) wants nothing more in life than to win the upcoming talent show and live out his rockstar fantasy; well, maybe except for losing his virginity.
Homework feels as though it was written as an ABC Afterschool Special, but rejected due to the copious amount of bare breasts that were shown. It’s constructed of individual vignettes featuring characters as they discuss their sexual frustrations or attempt to get laid. The simplicity of each scene feels like it’s setting up towards an explicit interaction. The only thing that matches the awful acting is the equally awful camera work. The film is poorly lit and dark in many places, leading to many situations where character’s faces appear to be nothing more than an audible void of darkness.
Despite the gratuitous showcase on display, this isn’t a pornographic film. Both dialogue and acting strength lead the viewer to believe that they are only minutes away from a hardcore interaction between everyone on screen. One need not watch more than a few minutes for this to be made clear.
After confessing his sexual inadequacies to a therapist, Tommy fantasizes about nurses treating his genitalia due to a lack of sex. Unfortunately for Tommy, these nurses lack any proper protocol (or self-control) as they can’t seem to stop exposing themselves to complain about their swollen, engorged breasts while he is in their care. Unfortunately for the viewer, bad acting and vaguely sexual scenarios are the furthest the film goes.
The main lure of Homework is none other than Diana, played by the titillating Joan Collins (Dynasty 1981-1989). Undeterred by being the mother of his friend, Diana yearns to take on Tommy as a pupil and help teach him a new thing or two. While Joan may be the main draw, she is hardly on screen for more than 10 minutes. She’s always confined to one location and usually looks out windows and talks to others off-screen. One might assume she’s actually a ghost and damned to roam the halls of her home looking to haunt any man that she comes across!
Jackie Collins’ novels be damned, Joan has come to lay claim to being the true source of sensuality in the Collins family!
The thematic pacing almost parrots other more successful comedies of the time as it follows characters as they go through life just existing as teens to be met with ever so slight hardships. Any instance of the characters dealing with struggles is quickly glossed over and left behind by the next scene. The comedy does nothing to push the envelope past what’s been done before, but some moments can lead to an audible chuckle. The standout scene features a classroom safety film warning others about the dangers of venereal disease.
Listing the negatives of Homework may seem like it’s meant to discourage potential viewers, it’s more so to set expectations. In truth, the film was a fun albeit stupid watch. The cast of teens have enough chemistry with each other to want you to root for them in their endeavors. It’s simple enough to follow along and has enough going on to keep the viewer’s eyes “perked up” at the screen.
You’re not going into a hidden gem or teenage sex comedy gold, but you’re not going into a waste of time either. No, you won’t get a great plot. No, you won’t get great acting. And no, you won’t get hot sex. You will get an excuse to have a couple of drinks and watch a forgotten teen sex comedy. Plus, there’s enough superfluous nudity to justify an HD restoration.
Homework doesn’t make the grade, but all hope is not lost as it does receive a (barely) passing grade. D+
