Resurrecting Halloween: Resurrection

Halloween: Resurrection…  Oh, God, where do I even begin? Let me start by saying this isn’t one of my favorite entries in the Halloween franchise. Many fans agree. In fact, despite being the third highest grossing film in the series (at the time), this turkey nearly sent Michael Myers into retirement…permanently.

NOTE: This article contains spoilers for Halloween: Resurrection and Halloween H20. If you haven’t seen them and you don’t want to know what happens, then read no further.

When you try to put a new spin on an old horror theme, you usually wind up heading into space. Not this time. For Halloween Resurrection, the filmmakers decided to try a reality TV/POV camera angle. All things considered, that was a perfectly fine choice. There’s just one teensy-weensy little problem — the ending of the previous film, Halloween H2O (1998) .

For the record, Halloween H2O is a fantastic sequel. Jamie Lee Curtis returned as Laurie Strode, the role that made her famous back in 1978. The intention, of course, was to provide a fitting end to one of the true icons of horror. Laurie had to kill Michael Myers once and for all. And kill him, she did… big time!

Four years after H20, along comes Halloween Resurrection. “Resurrection? How the hell are they going to pull that off?” I wondered as I walked into the theater. “This I’ve gotta see!” Oh, what I wouldn’t give to have that $8.50 and 2 hours of my life back.

Remember when Laurie beheaded Michael Myers at the end of H20? Guess what… It wasn’t Michael Myers at all! Apparently Michael crushed the larynx of a security guard (who happens to be a foot shorter than he is), dressed the victim up in his coveralls and mask and wandered off into the sunset. I guess he had somewhere else to be?

Lack of oxygen must have gotten to the guard’s brain. He continues chasing Laurie for the duration of the film, gets pinned by a wrecked car and gets his head lopped off. I guess when you have a crushed larynx it’s impossible to stop impersonating a killer long enough to take off your mask.

As ridiculous as it sounds when I describe it, it’s ten times worse when you witness it. Trust me. It was so bad, I nearly got up and walked out of the theater. How stupid do they think I am?

I paid to see this on the big screen, so pretty stupid, apparently!

Halloween Resurrection opens by telling us that H20 was a lie, but that’s not the worst part. Jamie Lee Curtis was still under contract with the studio for one more film, so she appears in the first 10 minutes of this clunker. Begrudgingly, it seems. Her wooden performance is completely phoned in from the first panning shot to the final, awkward, “I’ll see you in Hell.” I don’t think anyone was ever so happy to be killed off by Michael Myers.

Once you get past the ridiculous first 15 minutes, Halloween Resurrection isn’t quite so bad. The reality TV angle is fairly well done. I’d even say it was original if not for the fact that Hell Asylum came out earlier the same year and used the exact same plot. Fortunately, the POV camera work is better here than in Hell Asylum, making for some tense scenes and more than a few effective jump scares.

The cast features the aforementioned Jamie Lee Curtis, Tyra Banks, a young, pre-Battlestar Galactica Katee Sackhoff and, last but not least, BUSTA RHYMES! Busta’s character is not to be trifled with. You can tell because he watches martial arts films. This is a key plot point later when facing off with the unstoppable killing machine that is Michael Myers, Busta breaks out some “Shaq-Fu” moves and puts The Shape in the hurt locker. At least until he wakes up in the morgue for one final scare.

Fortunately for Michael Myers fans, you can’t keep a good slasher down. Halloween Resurrection did its best to kill the franchise, but Rob Zombie came along in 2007 and resurrected it (pun intended). If you wonder why Zombie went with a reboot instead of a sequel, it’s because this movie really left him with nowhere else to go.

If you’re looking for something scary to watch this October 31st…you’ll probably want to look elsewhere in your Halloween catalog! But hey, it’s worth a laugh, right?

In the immortal words of Busta Rhymes: “Trick or treat, muthaf***a(s)!”