PopHorror Let's Get Scared
Through the past few years, I have become vocal about my mental health struggles. My illness involves a deep, weird feeling in public. So, I pushed on with my internet ideas and jumped for it. I became reclusive and barely went outside. I was severely anti-social; I still kind of am. However, I have made many friends through the years. I had always wanted to go to a convention, but it was out of the question.
Or so I thought.
A Convention Fiend
I came across a local convention and discovered one of my favorite actors, Thom Matthews, would be a guest. I had to dig deep, but I got the courage to attend this convention. As we pulled into the parking lot, I had a panic attack. I got over it, though, and off we went. I realized I was in good company, and it was OK to be around people with the same interests as me. When I was in line to meet Thom, I started to get antsy. However, he was very approachable, and I sucked up my courage and opened up to him about how much Return of the Living Dead meant to my life. That’s when I felt comfortable. I felt at home, and I wanted to do it all again.
I started hunting down local cons, with little success. I started looking beyond our city and found out that my FAVORITE actor, David Howard Thornton, was going to be a guest at a convention in Atlantic City, New Jersey. I had to go. It was all I thought about for weeks, and finally, the time came. I counted down the moments of meeting him. It was surreal. I was first in line at his table and the photo op. I almost cried in excitement during the photo op. This was my dream, and I fought for it. I wanted to visit some of the friends I had made.
Meeting Heroes and Chasing Dreams
In addition, I started my venture into being a published author. I was proud of all my work, and I still am. I have come a long way from the dude who would walk away mid-conversation. It’s just who I was at the time. I chased lots of dreams, which is how I found PopHorror.com. I learned a lot about myself over the past few years. I have done a lot to fight my social anxiety, but the other illnesses push me along. Because no matter how many auditory hallucinations tell me to give up, I am still pushing along and becoming more proud of myself as I move forward.
In The End
I am here to tell you that even though I have a few mental health issues, I don’t let them define me anymore. I still fall back on my illnesses sometimes. However, I have also received support from a partial hospitalization program. I am welcome in the program anytime to recharge myself when life gets too weird and unbearable. I can return to get extra support, and I have done so a few times.
My mental illness these days is not entirely under control, and I still have some bumps on the road. I never thought I would chase any of these dreams. I took a job I hated until I found the courage to tell myself I was better than that. Soon after, I had my second operation, and I was getting so bored with TV, so I did something more. But it provided well; now, I am killing it as a journalist, an author, a web show co-host, a convention regular, and much more.
I am happy with myself, and it all started with that first con I attended. Jump for your chance at life; don’t let your mind control your actions. Follow your heart and dreams. All we need is enough happiness to make it through each day.
