PopHorror Let's Get Scared
What is the rarest of all elements? Atmosphereum, of course! Never heard of it? Well, if you have access to The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra (either the film or the actual skeleton), consider yourself in luck! You will soon learn all about it — or at least get a vague idea of shiny, radioactive rock that “can do some mighty powerful things.”
Now you’re probably thinking, “Hmm, okay…what in the hell is a Lost Skeleton of Cadavra, and how do I get hold of one of these things?” You might be able to find it on DVD somewhere, or you might find it randomly in some cave. Either way, you should be warned: The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra has a way of taking hold of you.
When I first saw The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra, I didn’t quite know what to think, but then I realized the answer was to not think much at all. Just obey the skeleton! Let its deep voice echo through the corridors of my wretched mind. Let its psychic tendrils seep into my skin and either annoy me or tickle my funny bone (then promptly seek psychiatric or medical attention).
Starring writer and director Larry Blamire as Dr. Paul Armstrong, The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra is essentially his baby. Still, the movie would hardly be anything without the other actors. There’s Armstrong’s wife, Betty (Fay Masterson). There’s another Atmosphereum-seeking scientist named Dr. Roger Fleming (Brian Howe). How about a few aliens who look suspiciously human named Kro-Bar/Bammin (Andrew Parks) and Lattis/Turgaso (Susan McConnell)? Then you have the honest-to-goodness forest ranger, Ranger Brad (Dan Conroy); and the seductive, animal-human hybrid named Animala (Jennifer Blaire – who is also Blamire’s wife). Animala is definitely one of the most memorable characters as she offers up her commanding yet seductive, “Rowr.” And who could forget the Mutant (Darrin Reed) and the Lost Skeleton himself?
With all these elements combined, you have one of the silliest sci-fi monster movie spoofs you could ever hope to find, and it’s safe for the kids to watch as well. Like a lot of cheesy old black-and-whites, a good chunk of what makes this movie unique is the dialogue.
Blamire is a master of writing oddball, goofy, potentially groan inducing dialogues (and monologues), and pairing them with intentionally bad and lazy special effects.
One of my favorite bits of dialogue:
Ranger Brad: Well, again I didn’t mean to throw a damper. Believe me, that’s the last thing I’d like to throw. I don’t want to throw anything at all, really. But when folks are horribly mutilated, I feel it’s my job to tell others. We take our horrible mutilations seriously up in these parts.
Betty Armstrong: I’m sure you do. Honey, the Ranger’s just doing his job.
Dr. Paul Armstrong: Of course he is. I’m sorry, Ranger Brad. I guess all this talk of horrible mutilation has me on edge.
Ranger Brad: That’s all right, Dr. Armstrong. This horrible mutilation has a whole lot of people on a whole lot of edges.
Then there’s this gem from Mr. Armstrong, regarding his scientific research: Mankind could benefit in many ways, many of them good.
This movie is brimming with stuff like that. The quirky characters all have their different motivations and quirks that carry the action. The good Dr. Armstrong wishes to use Atmosphereum for the good of mankind. The bad Dr. Fleming (foolishly) wants its power to re-animate the Lost Skeleton of Cadavra and conquer the world. Kro-Bar and Lattis want to utilize it so they can power their rocket ship and go back home. The Skeleton himself is basically just a cranky, controlling fiend. The end result? Calamity and fun!
Just one final reminder: OBEY THE SKELETON!
