‘CHILDREN OF THE CORN’ (2023) Reboot: My Expectations Were Low, But Oh My!

When it comes to sequels, unless the title has the words “The Godfather” in front of it, I’m never expecting it to be as good as the original. Reboots are something different. They can either give a much-needed, original jolt of adrenaline to a dying franchise like the recent Wrong Turn film, or they can be…well…Children of the Corn.

Children of the Corn (2023) Synopsis

The film describes the events leading up to, and including, the massacre of the adults of a small town in Nebraska by their children, after the adults’ irresponsibility ruins the crop and the children’s future.

Kurt Wimmer (Point Break – 2015) directed the film. It stars Elena Kampouris (Before I Fall) and Kate Moyer (Our House).

This is one of those films that just feels completely lazy from start to finish. It’s about the heartland’s good old-fashioned love of corn, the horrors of GMOs, corn subsidies, and “He Who Walks.” Let me get you a trophy for the least scary-sounding villain ever. He Who Walks? So, anyone that walks? Anything that walks? The other villains of the movies – the kids – are just not scary.

And don’t worry about struggling to keep up. If you like your horror films to crawl along at the slowest pace possible, you’ve come to the right place. Part of the fun of the Children of the Corn films is watching the kids snap one day and kill the adults all at once. These kids have a lot more patience than I did by the end of it. I am baffled that writer Kurt Wimmer is the same man who wrote and directed the original, underrated film Equilibrium.

It’s a real shame because the point of these films is that they should be schlocky fun. And they had a budget to work with this time. All I can do is long for the days of Isaac and MALACHAI (be sure to check out our retro review of the original here)!

Children of the Corn (2023) hits theaters on March 3, 2023, and On Demand and Digital Platforms on March 21, 2023.