“There are wounds that never show on the body that are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds.”
–Laurell K. Hamilton
Depression has been a constant in my life for as long as I can remember, mostly, stemming from the fact that I have Aspergers Syndrome. For most of my life, I was undiagnosed, so my childhood and teen years were quite overwhelming and confusing. The first sign that there was something different about me was the fact that I would not talk to other kids. When I did talk, I would often stutter or not pronounce words correctly. Eventually, I ended up having to see a speech therapist. All of this led me to be held back in first grade.
High school became an even worse experience for me. At that time of your life, you are getting your driver’s license, going out on dates, and hanging out with friends. While I did have a few friends, I was not a normal teenager. I remember going to high school and noticing that all the kids around me had no problems socializing. Yet, there I was, wondering why I had such problems connecting with other kids. The question that began to run through my mind was. “What’s wrong with me?”
Oftentimes when I’m watching a slasher, I will look at the masked killer as a symbol for my depression. Sometimes, it really does feel that I have this supernatural being who is trying to hunt me down and destroy me. It always feels like depression is just one step behind me.
That question would torment me for the next 15 years until I was finally diagnosed as having Aspergers Syndrome. Suddenly, my whole existence finally made sense. As a result of being autistic all my life, one of the unfortunate symptoms of autism is depression. When you struggle to connect with others and have very few friends, life at times can be a solitary hell.
I know there are others like me. What I want to do in this article is to show how horror movies have helped me cope with depression. I’m not a professional therapist, so all I have is advice on what has helped me. It may not help you, and if that is the case, I would strongly urge you to seek out professional help.
HORROR MOVIES PROVIDE A GOOD DISTRACTION
The duration of depression is unpredictable. Sometimes living in a depressed state can last for a day, but other times, it can go on for months. It’s like living in the abyss. It’s dangerous to stay there too long. You must have times where you are able to lift your head out of the fog of your own sadness. If you’re a horror fan, then horror movies are a great way for some much needed relief.
I know what some of you are thinking. When you’re in the throes of depression, you don’t feel like doing anything. Sadly, a lot of times, we don’t want to feel better. So, I imagine some of you are saying, “I don’t feel like watching movies when I’m depressed.” I want to challenge you next time you’re in this state-of-mind; even if you don’t feel like watching a horror movie, choose to watch one anyways. The first few minutes are hard, but usually when I’m about thirty minutes in, my sadness begins to dissipate, and I’m so focused on the plot of the movie that I’m distracted from my depression.
FINDING COURAGE THROUGH HORROR MOVIES
One of my favorite aspects of slashers is the final confrontation between the masked killer and the final girl. Oftentimes when I’m watching a slasher, I will look at the masked killer as a symbol for my depression. Sometimes, it really does feel that I have this supernatural being who is trying to hunt me down and destroy me. It always feels like depression is just one step behind me.
This is precisely why I’m a diehard fan of the final girl. I can’t think of a better example of bravery, courage, strength, and perseverance. When I’m looking at Jason Voorhees or Michael Myers as depression, I can get quite emotional watching the final girl never give up in her fight against the masked killer.
One of my all-time favorite slashers is Friday the 13th Part Three. It isn’t just because it’s a great slasher, but because of the final girl in Chris Higgins. In the film, Chris is one of the few final girls who faces Jason twice and survives both times. It is revealed in part three that several years earlier, Chris ran away from her parents into the woods and ended up running into Jason. She survived the ordeal, but is traumatized and depressed from almost being murdered by the silent killer. There are so many great qualities that someone with depression can learn from Chris, mainly her courage to return to the place that caused her such trauma.
Look, I understand Friday the 13th is a cheesy, slasher franchise. Yet, I’m always moved by Chris’ nerve to face Jason a second time. If I’m honest, it brings me to tears to see how strong she is as a character and to know that I don’t feel like I’m that strong. But… I want to be. Chris Higgins and other final girls like her inspire me to never give up, to battle against depression until I’ve taken my own ax and plunged it into depression’s head for the final kill shot.
HORROR MOVIES AND THE DANGER OF ISOLATION
When we are depressed, the natural but unhealthy thing we often do is to isolate ourselves. When we are sad, we naturally don’t want to be around others. Now, I believe taking a little time to yourself is important, but don’t stay there too long. I’m convinced that some depressed people who end up staying too long in their own self-imprisonment are the ones who end up a victim of suicide. Spend some time by yourself, but afterwards, go outside, play with your dog or cat, or visit friends or family. Just get out and do something.
One of the biggest lessons we can learn from horror movies is that prolonged isolation is never a good thing. There are so many good examples I could use, but I think there is no better example on the dangers of isolation than The Shining.
The Shining, essentially, is about Jack Torrence, his wife, Wendy, and son, Danny, who live in isolation in a large hotel for the winter season. Throughout the duration of the film, we watch a man slowly go crazy due to the isolation that his job requires. Plus, Jack is also battling the demon of alcoholism. I think it’s safe to say that being in complete isolation with nobody around is the last job an alcoholic should have taken.
When we are depressed, we naturally want to go off to be by ourselves. This can become addictive. It’s simply easier to dwell in our own misery rather than step outside of our inner world of sadness. We all know that we as human beings are not meant to live alone, and that prolonged isolation can drive someone mad. I know that when depressed, it can seem so peaceful to not be around others, but it’s one of the most dangerous things you can do in the midst of your depression.
Jack Torrence thought he could handle the isolation of the Overlook Hotel, but we know how that ended up. None of us are exempt from what long periods of isolation can do to us psychologically. We need to take care of ourselves when going through depression, and part of that is spending time with others.
HORROR MOVIES AND THE ILLUSION OF SELF-RELIANCE
A common thread throughout slashers is the character who hears a strange noise and foolishly goes outside into the darkness of night to try and discover where the sound is coming from. How many victims of slasher movies have we seen who end up dead because they thought they could handle it alone?
We do the exact same thing when depressed. We don’t want to burden our family and friends, so we foolishly think we can handle it alone. Have you ever seen a slasher where a character hears a strange noise, goes out alone, investigates where the sound is coming from, and then returns safely after discovering what the noise was? No, that never happens. They usually end up as a dead victim of the masked killer.
If we spend too much time trying to fight depression on our own, the consequences could be quite devastating. If you get nothing else from this article, I hope that the dangers of isolation and the illusion of self-reliance are what you remember.
HORROR MOVIES TEACH US TO NEVER GIVE UP
Horror movies are often looked upon as negative. I don’t agree with this. If you look at slashers, they often show a final girl who never gives up and fights to the bitter end. As a kid, yes, I liked seeing all the gore, but what drew me to slashers was the final girl’s never-say-die attitude. We’ve all seen victims in slashers who let the masked maniacs kill them without putting up much of a fight.
In reality, all of us who live with depression are in a daily battle. Have you seen someone battle depression and give up? It’s not always suicide that they resort to. Sometimes, they turn to the bottle or drugs. No matter if it’s alcohol or any kind of drug, addiction often reveals an inner brokenness. It’s evidence that the addicted person has given up on life.
It’s a constant fear that I have that one day I’m just going to completely surrender, that I’m going to believe there is no way out. I know at times, depression can seem unbeatable. Here is the thing about depression: it deceives you into believing that this is the way your life is always going to be. Don’t ever believe this lie.
You can’t see what tomorrow holds. None of us can peer into the future. Depression is temporary. Tomorrow, you may get a better job, you may find someone to spend your life with, your loneliness may end… hold on for tomorrow. One day, you will look back and say, “I’m so glad I didn’t give up. I’m so glad I kept fighting and never gave up.”
IN CONCLUSION
I hope this article has helped those suffering from depression. More than anything, I hope you develop the nerve to never abandon all hope, and keep fighting. If you’re reading this, and you do feel that my advice hasn’t helped you at all, I really hope you will seek out professional help. These people want to help you. Don’t let fear stall you from seeking out guidance and help. Don’t let depression win.
Wonderful and very incisive.