PopHorror Let's Get Scared
Who could forget the palpable excitement? George Fucking Lucas was returning to the director’s chair for his long rumored prequel films, to fill in the pre-Skywalker blanks in the Star Wars universe!! Fans were foaming at the mouth for something, anything, with the Jedi Knights, Sith Lords, and amazing special effects that were part and parcel to the franchise. Lucas, finally convinced that effects technology had matured enough, unleashed Episode I: The Phantom Menace upon a rabid fandom.
What we got? Well…
Having seen every Star Wars film, in its first run, at my small hometown cinema (yes, I’m that old…but I can still see the place from my home office window, I’m waxing nostalgic as I write this), I’m a certified Star Wars nerd. I have a voracious appetite for anything SW, and love all the product, even the stuff that the House of Mouse has produced. However, while I loved The Phantom Menace at face value, there’s a lot of pros and cons to the film.
Pro: “Its Star Wars, baby!” That’s right, SW fans, despite their, well deserved, reputation for being, hands down, the most toxic fanbase, are at least going to turn out for opening weekend for any Star Wars film. And we did, in droves, for The Phantom Menace. It grossed over $100 million in its first 5 days of release, and has had two, count ‘em, two theatrical re-releases (the most recent this month) that were crazy successful, and oddly enough, is currently the number one streamed SW film on Disney+.
Con: “Meesa called Jar Jar Binks, meesa your humble servant” No. Please don’t. Lucas, and others, have always maintained that Star Wars is, at its core, for the kids, but WTF? Easily the most reviled character in the SW universe, Jar Jar is a combination of poorly timed comic relief, over-the-top CGI, latent racial stereotypes, and bad taste. Even the entertaining online theories about this clumsy ass secretly being a genius Sith Lord don’t save this pointless character. His, thankfully, much reduced role in Episode II is one of the smartest thing Lucas has ever done. He listened to the fans!
Pro: “This is my apprentice, Darth Maul.” The mysterious Zabrak apprentice of the equally mysterious Darth Sidious. Hell yeah!! Was there, outside of Vader himself, a more bad ass villain in sci-fi history?? Ultimately he went out way too early, but, and this was 100% fan service, he was resurrected as a crime lord in other canon SW content. But wow, what a visually striking bad guy, who even with limited screen time, holds a honored place in the fandom.
Con: “I’m going for popcorn, let me know who wins the pod race.” The pod race set piece. Sheesh! Way too long, way too cartoonish, way too convoluted, and only serves to show what a cute little pilot/tinkerer Anakin is, and explains how Qui-Gon was able to fix their ship. The goofy portrayal of the Huts, and the announcers make me cringe every time…
Pro: “You didn’t tell him about the missing Jedi.” Ah yes, more bad assery in the form of Qui-Gon Jinn and Obi-Wan Kenobi, a one-two punch of Jedi slickness! The wise, journeyman vibe that Liam Neeson brings to the table blends perfectly with Ewan McGregor’s smiling eagerness. This was an amazing cast coup, and this duo will always remain a favorite of SW fans. A cameo in any project, by either, is always welcome!
Con: “Paging Jake Lloyd. Mr. Lloyd…” Yes, I know, the poor kid was bullied mercilessly, quit acting, and legitimately broke down and ended up in a mental hospital in real life. But, wow, blame Lucas and company for even casting this kid, and then giving him the worst material they could muster to work with. Lucas is often blamed for writing clunky dialogue, well kids, it don’t get much clunkier than this! I don’t mean to dogpile on the kid, but damn…
Pro: Watto. Yep, I liked Watto. The Fred Sanford of Mos Espa was a cleverly crafted plot device to both explain how Anakin got to be such a good mechanic/pilot, and to explain the slavery angle of Anakin and his mother. I even dug the fact that they made him look a little like the gruff, cigar chomping Darnell from Christine.
Con: Midichlorians? Nope. To paraphrase MMA legend Nick Diaz: “Fuck you George!” Seriously, how much crack was consumed in the writer’s room when they decided, “Hey! Let’s remove all mystery from The Force and make it biological!! Great idea!!” Thankfully, this seems to be only a moment of dimwitted judgement, and they, mercifully, acted like it never happened in future films. Heresy!! Blasphemy!!!
While a flawed film, The Phantom Menace is still something I watch every once in a while, and definitely a “stop and finish” if I see it while channel surfing. Like I said above, I love everything Star Wars, because well…it’s Star Wars! Episode I: The Phantom Menace fills in a lot of blanks, has some jaw dropping effects, introduces Natalie Portman as Padme (its not customary to lust over her until Episode II: Attack of the Clones, ya pervs!), Sam Jackson as Mace Wiundu, more Yoda, Gungans, Destroyer Droids, has an truly epic (and tragic) lightsaber duel, and charts the first steps in the rise of both Anakin Skywalker/Darth Vader and Emperor Palpatine/Darth Sidious.
Things get a little boring, but the excitement almost always makes up for it later. Sure, there’s pros and cons, in addition to the ones listed, but the good ultimately outweighs the bad, and Episode I: The Phantom Menace will be worth a re-watch every single time (just try to scene skip the lame stuff).
