So you’re a Twilight fan. That’s cute. I mean, what could be better than a supernatural love triangle, loaded with totes important choices about lip gloss color and lots of Kristen Stewart lip biting? Ugh. It’s tough, but…I think I have an answer.
Blade. Blade is better than Twilight. A lot better. All the betters. Need some empirical evidence? We don’t have any, nerd.
But here’s Thursday Night Throwdown Vol 1: Blade vs Twilight!
Edward Cullen is a Vampire who Goes to High School.
Meet Edward Cullen. He’s your normal teenage vampire, trying his best to pass chemistry and scam on some 17-year-old hunnies.
He’s got great hair. Also, he’s sparkly AF. We never find out why. I’m not sure it matters.
Blade is a Vampire Who Teaches at the School of Hard Knocks.
Now meet Blade. He’s your average half-mortal, half-vampire bad ass, trying his best to avenge his mother’s brutal murder and rid the world of evil blood suckers.
Blade has even sweeter hair. Blade definitely does not sparkle. But he does throw these boomerang / ninja star things real good.
Twilight has a Drug called L-O-V-E.
In Twilight, Kristen Stewart is head-over-heels in Likes with Sparkly-Vamp Edward.
Her love is, at times, crippling – like a powerful drug or deadly poison.
Blade Has a Drug That Blows People Up.
Dr. Karen Wells might be head-over-heels in Likes with Blade, which is surprising. He can be kind of a prick.
Her love is questionable at best, but she arms Blade with E.D.T.A. – a powerful drug that is actually literally a deadly poison to vampires and causes them to explode into lots of little pieces.
Edward has a Vampire Family.
Aw, the Cullens. Aren’t they cute? They’re so nice and smiley and supportive.
They just want Edward to be happy and find true love or whatever. Even if it’s with a human that they want to eat.
Blade Sort of Has One, Too.
Hey! That’s Ryan Reynolds playing vampire hunter Hannibal King! He’s gonna be Deadpool! Well, he already was Deadpool, but now he’s gonna be a BETTER Deadpool!
Man, that guy just does it all. He’s so snarky and sarcastic and smug. He has zero interest in eating Blade’s friends. I bet Blade is psyched to have him on the squad.
Twilight is Full of Angsty Teens.
So. Many. Feels.
Blade is Full of Sweet One-Liners.
So. Much. Swag.
THE OBVIOUS WINNER BY WAY OF KNOCK OUT:
< fist pump >
Have an idea for next week’s Thursday Night Throwdown? Think we picked the wrong winner? (Not likely, but still)
Put us on blast in the comments below – we can take it, pinky promise.